Dude, come on. beeeeeeeeaaatttttt.
Doesn’t Maxim usually get ridiculous hottie stars that are super famous and pushing a new movie/album/porn in their pages? Wtf is Brooke Hogan doing in it?! She’s on a crash course to porn fail-dom if she keeps this up.

Like, sweet 90’s black roots and scrunchy blonde hair. Mousse is out, I don’t even know where you found that shit. They still sell it? At the same place where they sell DVD boxed set series of “Wild and Crazy Kids” and “Clarissa Explains it All”? Sick.

Your family is effing creepy. Your dad and mom are both dating fetuses. Your brother is a low-life redneck with too much money for his own good. YOU HAVE A CLEFT CHIN. (Was that cleft there a year ago? Seriously, though. At least you and John Travolta have something to talk about. Have you thought about the Church of Scientology as a way out of your miserable attempt at a career? Maybe you could do something like focus on your mind and future career instead of depend on your dad’s fame as an EFFING WRESTLER (ok he was really good at it and made shit-loads of money) but that fame will not pay your future. Especially not if your mom is blowing half of the wealth on lawyers and the other on jet-setting with recently potty trained losers. So go get an effing degree in something. It’s amazing I never once saw anyone in that family with a book…aside from the ‘History of has-been wrestlers and their trailer-trash kids’. Ok…Hogan…don’t come after us, we dig you, we just think your wife was trash, and instilled no moral value of anything n your kids. Not your fault, you were out beating some jimmy-fly snooka ass and running around a rink with tights on…wait no…they’re LEGGINGS! Yellow effing leggins on 280lb men are so Grey! it’s not even funny. Rock on Hulk, but give your girl a life outside of hollywood for now as she is clearly proving talentless. Ok…you’re right, so is Paris, but she’s not from the Hilton family She’s a Hogan and my guess is her lineage may lead back to some trailer parks near Jamie Lynn in Mississippi. Should I keep going? Nah…Brooke…please fix your Po-Dunk hair and 30yr-old cougar look before we can’t have you on the Grey again.