Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth today… you can surely take the girl out of KFC, but you cannot take the KFC out of the girl. Jamie Lynn our favorite underager gave birth to a 6-lb darkmeat drumstick today and her name is Maddie Briann. First of all, I do not approve of this name… COME ON. Do we really have to the do the whole “I’m from the South so therefore my baby should have five thousand names that all sound disgusting together but it doesn’t matter because i’ll be a waitress that everyone calls sugar or just shoog for short”?!!! Maddie Briann Bonequeesha Tiffany Winglet Batman Spears.

It sounds Irish doesn’t it? …idiots. Maddie Briann.. probably came out wrapped in a Confederate flag. The poor girl has no idea what she’s coming up against… the Spears gene in the punnett square guarantees CRAZY every time. When will these girls learn? STERILIZE! It’s like de-evolution… when Maddie Briann has a kid the things going to have hairy knuckles that drag on the ground, who knows what’s next. Oh, wait, that’s right, they don’t believe in evolution where they come from…so they’ll think it was because she had sex with a monkey.

So, it’s a good thing Jamie Lynn had her baby.. now she finally has someone to NOT go to R-rated movies with. haaaaaaaaa. 17-years old but with child.. still can’t go into Dave and Busters but she can definitely drive around in a car with a baby on her lap like her sister, so that’s good right? The baby was born in a Hospital in Mississippi close to Jamie Lynn’s Kentwood home that she’s been retreating in. I heard they put a Winnebago in the living room to make it feel like home.

I just can’t wait to see what happens with Casey Aldridge. I bet you that kid is freaked the hell out, he keeps saying theyre going to get married… when she finds out if she’s preggers, when she’s preggers, when she has it… time’s runnin’ out, man. Whats the new excuse? uh… when the kid turns 16 i’ll marry you. How does the song go? ‘18 years, 18 years…she’s got you for 18 years’. Well, 17 in the Spears family.

The best is when kids have babies and can’t lose the damn weight (ahem, Tori Spelling, Melissa Joan Hart). Rough, but true. Drop those LB’s, Jamie Lynn. Good luck fighting the hillbilly gene with all your might, just remember… ‘gra-ma say moonshine will make da baby go to sleep’. You may be too red-neck to be Grey…pass the biscuits and wings.