I heart Victoria Beckham.  She could show up at a funeral wearing Birkenstock stilettos, burlap lederhosen and a fleece tunic and I would still stand in applause of her MAJOR sense of style and timing.

Don’t judge me.

Our love affair began a couple of years ago when I was home sick with the flu (hung over), sitting on the couch reading a fascinating essay in Time Magazine (watching a marathon of E! True Hollywood Story on big screen).  Just as I began sipping hot chamomile tea with lemon (Jim Beam straight from the bottle) to ease my aching head, Victoria appeared on my TV screen looking positively British and emaciated.  In clips of interviews edited together to tell her E! True Hollywood story “Posh & Becks”, she sounded like a woman born from privilege and royalty.  Considering she was nothing more than a has-been British Pop Star who married up - I was enamored with her stunning and unapologetic ability to completely lose touch with reality and truly believe herself to be better than every one else.  It was like looking in a mirror.  Instantly, I was in love - and ever since then, I have referred to her amongst friends and in the media as my girlfriend.

So anyway, cut to today.  My girlfriend Victoria texted a private message to me this morning (I read it in the Village Voice)to tell me she partied all night with the gays at Hiro Ballroom in New York City.  Duh.  My girlfriend Victoria is no fool.  She knows the way to pop culture’s heart is through the gays…and what better way to jump start a waning media buzz after the heroin bender of Fashion Week than to be seen rimming a martini at the Big Apple’s cheekiest gay hot-spot? (www.hiroballroom.com)

I’m not one to brag, but I think we can all agree that when she was on stage addressing her loyal queer subjects, she was really talking right to me when she said, “Thank you for supporting my entire career!  I think I am a gay man in a woman’s body—a very THIN woman, by the way.  Have a lot to drink and dance.  You are all totally major!”

I know, honey.  I love you too.

For the love of all thats truly gay, you’re on the list.

(photo courtesy of flickr.com)