When you scour the country shaking hands and kissing babies on the presidential campaign trail, you’re bound to come across the occasional staunch Conservative Republican infant who would rather breast feed on a hog’s tit than let a Democrat kiss him.

So, I’ll be honest.  I don’t really know much about politics.  I don’t know much about government.  I don’t know a whole lot about presidential races and I am not ashamed to say that I thought “GOP” stood for something totally different.

But here is what I do know: Oprah loves this guy.

Is that a  reason to vote for him?  Fellow voters, that isn’t for me to say.  But need I remind all of you what happens when someone disagrees with the likes of Oprah Winfrey?  She does, after all, rule the world…and when you wield that kind of power, it affords you the ability to socially ruin anyone who shows the slightest notion of defiance.  Don’t cross her. Seriously.  She will bring you on her show, f*ck your shit up on day-time television and then force you to give Gayle a full body scrub and pedicure while reading aloud passages from her latest Book Club choice.

I’m just saying…bitch don’t play.  Piss her off even once, and your genitals will be given away to the live studio audience on the annual “Oprah’s Favorite Things” broadcast.

Mr. Obama, you’re on the list.  Oprah, if you’re reading this…I love you.  Don’t hit me.  Please don’t hit me.